at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
