Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
