I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
