Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
