Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
