I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
