Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
