someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
