I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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