bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
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I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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