her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My day in three words: secret purse cake
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
