Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
