Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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