Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
