She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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