i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
