Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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