There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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