We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
