I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
