You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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