Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ketchup is God's man juice
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
