wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
