never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
