My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
