Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
