First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
