Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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