i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
