so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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