I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
