So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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