and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
