Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
