uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
