PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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