last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
