I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
