If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
