What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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