Need sex. Gaining weight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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