You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Someone signed my nipple.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
