Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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