my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
