I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
