He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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