oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
