In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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