I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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