i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Success! We fucked roommates!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
