I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
