I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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