I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize