White coat. Heels.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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