My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
