I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
