I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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