butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
