Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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