I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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