Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize