Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
