i permit you to call me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
