Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
