dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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