Swine flu is the new snow day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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