your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
