Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
