So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
