I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
