she smelled like a LAN party
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
