Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
